Life | No More Bullshit

Recently I've been thinking about the ways in which other peoples' opinions affect our paths in life. I spent the majority of my childhood and teenage years soaking up opinions and molding myself to fit accordingly. I didn't automatically stop doing this once I become an adult, either.

'You'll never get a boyfriend if you don't learn how to swim properly'

'Good luck getting a job having graduated three summers ago'

'You won't get anywhere in life without a degree'

'You need to study something useful to get ahead in life'

'You just have to accept that no-one is happy at work'

'Depression is just an excuse for being self centred'

'Self harm is attention seeking'

'You're too pale, you look like a cancer patient'

'An engagement ring has to be a diamond'

'Cheryl Cole's tattoo makes her look like a tramp'

'Kim Kardashian looks rough since falling pregnant'

'You can't make the first move'

'Young love won't last'

'It's not normal to be single for so long'

'Dreadlocks are dirty'

'You're too indecisive'

'When will you ever make your mind up about what you want to do?'

'Tarot is evil/nonsense/scary/not to be 'tampered' with'

'Short skirts invite unwanted attention'

These are all examples of things I've been told or have heard at some stage in my life. I could go on. I'm sure you've got your own examples too; words and sentences and paragraphs full of ABSOLUTE BULLSHIT. 

I'm no angel, might I just add. I can be full of opinions and sometimes I don't think about what it is I'm really saying or advocating when I offer my thoughts freely. But lately I've had some sort of epiphany, or perhaps it's just a confidence boost that has come with facing my anxiety head on and making plans for the future that actually reflect my dreams and ambitions. People love to fire off their opinions freely, and that's fine- I do it too, we all do it, we all have a tendancy to give an opinion and put it out there. But what isn't OK is to live your life according to all of these other opinions at the expense of your own. 

If you've ever watched An Idiot Abroad with Karl Pilkington you'll be familiar with 'Bullshit Man'. Whenever Karl hears something completely ridiculous he envisions Bullshit Man swooping in, pointing directly at the person and shouting 'BULLSHIT!' I think we could all adopt some of Bullshit Man's 'cut the crap' attitude! In the tarot, the Queen of Swords is the ultimate No Bullshit woman. If people start giving her slices of unsolicited advice, she isn't afraid to hold up her sword, cut through the cacophony and call out a loud cry of 'BULLSHIT!' 

I've always had a tendancy to worry excessively about what people may or may not think about me and my choices. I put off leaving a university that clearly wasn't right for me for a whole year because I was too scared to tell my parents I wanted to quit. I used to nod along to everything certain dominant and aggressive adults told me and 'advised me' to do when I was younger because I couldn't handle the idea of standing up for myself and disagreeing in an assertive manner. 

When people have strong opinions, and when you generally value the opinions of these people because they're family/friends/a 'professional', you often believe their advice/opinion to be the 'right one'. I've fallen into this trap so many time. The truth is, you are always, ALWAYS, allowed to disagree or decide on a different path of action. Always. 

I'm tired of worrying about what other people think of my degree/job/career path/blog/writing/appearance/wedding plans/relationships etc etc. I'm twenty-four years old and by hook or by crook I'm ready to make my own decisions and stand up for what I believe in! 

I worked with children with additional needs as a Learning Support Assistant in a secondary school for four years and I was driven by the aim of giving a voice to those who found it harder than others to be heard. I fought for the students under my care and made it my absolute aim for them to have the space and opportunities needed to develop their own voice; their own thoughts, opinions and beliefs. It's about time I applied the same aim to my own life! 

This isn't about being a know-it-all, conceited, obnoxious asshole. It's not about being ignorant, refusing to listen to other peoples' opinions or advice. It's not about closing yourself off from outside influences and new experiences. It's about living life in an assertive way, listening and considering but being able to say 'no, thank you.' If someone's being a bully, saying 'No.' Refusing to adopt other peoples' beliefs and opinions unless you feel the same way in your own heart. Having the confidence to develop and stand by your own. Refusing to spend so much time worrying about how other people perceive us when really, it doesn't matter. It's essential to develop and nourish your own set of values and passions. 

Get to know yourself, turn down the dial on how other people think you should live, and live your truth. 

No more bullshit. 

                               

I couldn't have put it better myself!

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