For the past few weeks I've been struggling with writing and posting anything on here. I'd like my blog to be a positive space but lately I haven't been feeling quite so positive and every time I try to write something it either turns into a rant or a pity party, and that's not what I'm aiming for!
I think it's a combination of having absolutely no money (hence no beauty review posts), a packed uni schedule and lots of wedding planning to contend with. I'm job searching but not sure what I'm looking for, which is adding another layer of anxiety and I'm trying to fit in tarot but keep coming up short and finding myself with no time to focus properly on anything. It's so frustrating! I'm a firm believer that we have to take responsibility for our lives and so I'm not aiming for a pity party at all. I just feel so completely flat at the moment though, and blogging has taken the brunt of it.
Not having any spare money isn't much fun, although of course I'm grateful for having a roof over my head and hot meals everyday. I'd love to have a Superdrug splurge, or at the very least afford to buy myself a new pair of boots (the soles of my current ones have peeled off) or a new coat (there's a huge rip down the sleeve of my H&M coat) and to be honest, whether this is silly or not, I actually feel pretty darn ugly at the moment. Ugly and old. I'm wearing, on rotation, a mixture of summer tops from Primark and an old pair of skinny jeans. I know I shouldn't pin my self worth on material things (!), but I feel really quite horrible and messy at the moment. It's my hen do in a few weeks and I'd like to wear something nice but I don't have any money, so that's stressing me out a little.
Uni has been a mixture of interesting and alarming so far. While writing my first essay of my final module I got myself into such an anxious state that I didn't sleep properly for four nights and I couldn't really eat much as my stomach was in knots. I hate feeling so tense and I know there are all sorts of things I could have done to calm down but I didn't, and so I felt rotten. Which makes me feel like a hypocrite for writing so many Anxiety Diaries posts only to fall at the first hurdle myself.
I'm hugely excited about the wedding, of course, but the planning has been stressful at times, which I think is down to it involving so many people in terms of suppliers, chasing up information and getting all the little things ironed out. I'm looking forward to the big day arriving so we can get the show on the road!
In terms of blogging I'm not really sure where I'm going with it. I loved revamping everything over the summer and it gave me such a great focus but I feel really uninspired at the moment and sort of flat about it all. It's like I'm dripping negativity everywhere and I don't want to be that person! I could kick myself because I know I'm the one who has to get things moving and make things happen; it's all down to me. I'm having a tricky time figuring out what to do, so I guess what I'm trying to say is bear with me! I keep reading articles about blogging and branding and self employment, all saying you need to maintain a consistent presence etc, which is worrying me particularly with regards to tarot, but my head isn't in the right space at the moment and I'm not convinced that spending hours online is going to help. Hmm.
Anyhoo, things will pick up I'm sure as I refuse to be dragged under again by the anxiety demons. I need to sharpen up my CBT skills and spend some time sorting through my thoughts. We all have rough days, weeks, months where everything seems bleak and rubbish but it won't last forever. 'This too shall pass'.
Baci e abbracci,
Sweet Imogen, I am so sorry you have been going through this. I can completely relate to what you're feeling. We are not perfect and we all have our blah days. Take time to get better. Only do things that make you happy. If blogging is not it, step away for a bit. We will be here waiting for you when you return. Life can be tough sometimes. You have to remember to be kind to yourself and self-care is key. I remember wedding planning and applying to six graduate schools. It was by far the most stressful period of my life. I actually ended up having health problems. Wedding planning is no joke. Rest and take your time. Sending you tons of hugs!
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to hear you've not been having the best time lately. I suffer from anxiety and depression and know how difficult it can be sometimes. In fact, yesterday I started a part time job where I worked just under five hours and last night I slept for eleven! This meant my plans for today have gone out the window and I don't have much time to do anything before I go to work again later. It can be stressful when our bodies won't allow us to do as much as our minds want us to, but we have to look at the bigger picture. It always helps to try and put things into perspective. Just think, in five years time your uni worries, job worries and wedding planning worries will all be done with. Stay positive :)
ReplyDeleteNaomi xo
Hang in there babe! You're just having a rough patch, as we all do. You've got a lot on your plate. You know all the "right" things to do to put yourself in a better place mentally, but sometimes it's okay to just give in and feel yuck. You'll be back in the saddle in no time! hugs!
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