The coat condundrum

There's no doubt that we tend to use the things we buy to create a sense of who we are. Everyone has their own sense of style, whether distinctive and stand out or something more subtle. Upon turning 25 in October I came to the somewhat troubled conclusion that I'm not sure what 'I' look like. Does what I wear say something about me, and should I be giving off a different vibe now that I'm 25 and feeling kinda old? How can I be a 'proper' 25 year old while living at home and being currently without a job? Do my clothes scream 'forever teen'?!

Quarter life crisis alert! Everything came to a head during my recent quest for a winter coat.  While looking for coats online and in various shops I began to panic. I'd be wearing this coat every day, pretty much. What would it say about me? Would it say something about me? Should it say something about me? I found myself slap bang in the middle of a new coat conundrum! 

I suddenly felt acutely aware of being 25, five years away from 30, unemployed, still working towards my degree and still living at home. I'm getting married but my husband and I won't be able to move out straight away, and suddenly this worried me. Was I going to be stuck like this forever? At 25 surely I should be conquering the world, or at least holding down a job and earning money to move out, take driving lessons, have nice holidays, think about starting a family within the next few years. I felt all of a sudden nowhere near doing any of these things, and it was as if each one of my anxieties and fears manifested itself in every coat I came across. Coat after coat rejected one after the other, until I'd made my way through all sorts of styles: classic pea coats, trendy long line biker jackets, cropped faux leather coats, soft belted puffer jackets, blazers, casual khaki coats. Nothing seemed to fit. Nothing looked right. Nothing felt right. 

The thought of my limited budget wasn't helping. It's silly but a part of me associated my still living at home and not having much (read: any) money with being immature, which is ridiculous because I don't think that about other people. Throughout school I imagined I'd be in an amazing career by now, living in a beautiful house with my husband and four children (erm, reality check for 12 year old me, please!) Leaving sixth form with straight A's and a strong work ethic I didn't think I'd ever be 25 and unemployed, living at home in my same old childhood bedroom. This coat needed to represent me in an 'adult' sense, in a secure, successful light. I wanted to look professional, together, older. I wanted this coat to eradicate my fears!

The thing is, a coat can't really do that, can it? My thoughts, however, can. I was obsessing over how I felt I should be and not paying any attention to what I'd actually like to wear, right now at this moment in time. Who says I have to choose something my friends might pick, or something distinctly 'professional' looking? Surely it's better to wear something you think suits you, something you find comfortable and something you enjoy rocking every day? And surely it's better to get a handle on those negative thoughts and practice some CBT magic to boost your self esteem and remind yourself of all the things you have achieved, whatever age you are? Just because I'm unemployed at the moment and living at home at the moment doesn't mean I'm still a child. It doesn't mean this is my life for the rest of my life.  I'm a woman, and I don't need to keep doubting myself and questioning everything. I'm on the right path and things will pick up. Only I can make that happen! I am empowered and I am strong. 

With this in mind, I stumbled upon the perfect coat for me. It isn't expensive, it isn't particularly 'trendy', or 'smart' or 'casual' or 'old' or 'young'. It has a detachable hood which I immediately took off because it felt a little too young... But hey, it could come in handy when it's raining/snowing! It's just a coat that I happen to really like. My clothing choices might make suggestions about who I am, but I'd rather not spend too much time fixating on it, as who I am comes from the inside. I'm letting go of worrying about fashion and having fun with it instead, rather than wearing it as a mask and hoping for it to 'create' me. Maybe I'll go for something completely different next winter; that's OK. It sounds silly, but it's worth saying: my coat doesn't define me!

My coat! £25, Primark

Baci e abbracci, 
         
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Turn that frown upside down!

Today I've decided to shake off the beginnings of a pity party and get my ass into gear. It's time to blog something positive and fun! I've had a think about the things that help me get out of a bad mood funk, and luckily for you dear reader (assuming I still have any left?!) I'm willing to share my 'turn that frown upside down' know how. Some tips are ridiculous but that's exactly what makes them funny and uplifting... hopefully! So, having a bad time of it lately? Read on!

Treat yourself to a movie date

 I'm talking me on my sofa, wrapped in blankets, chocolate to hand and a cup of tea within easy reach, a stack of DVDs piled high and ready to go. If I'm really pushing the boat out I don one of those uber attractive blanket-with-sleeves thingys. Ultimate snuggle-age! For me, it has to be a juicy horror film, the bloodier and messier the better. I'm particularly fond of old school horrors like the original Friday the Thirteenth and Candy Man. Scary enough to make me jump a little but with seriously outdated graphics and special effects to prevent total terror, these are the ultimate relaxation tool for me. Which might sound a little strange, but I find it all very cathartic! I don't have time to stress about life's worries when I'm knee deep in blood and guts, shouting at Kevin Bacon to look under the bed and pleading with Virginia Madsen NOT to climb through the hidden opening in her bathroom wall. 

I also enjoy a good marathon of TLC's finest shows, including Beverly Hills Bridal, Here Comes Honey Boo Boo and Long Island Medium. I can lust after expensive wedding gowns and then cry watching Theresa Caputo's psychic readings all in one afternoon; I purposefully record every episode so I can binge now and again! Total relaxation. 

Shake it

When all else fails, turn up the volume and let loose. Dance like nobody's watching and have an absolute ball! My current favourite anxiety busting albums include Daft Punk's latest offering, particularly 'Lose Yourself to Dance' which features the dreamy vocals of Pharrell Williams. When I say let loose, I really mean let loose. I hate dancing in public but oh how I love dancing in the comfort of my own home! I sort of end up combining dance with a little gymnastics and aerobics (not something I'd ever want recorded!) and there's a lot of jumping, hair swishing and arm waving involved. Embarrassing, yes. Liberating? Absolutely! Shake it off, literally shake off your anxiety and worries, and get your heart pumping. Your mind and your body will thank you for it!

Pamper, pamper, pamper

Even on my meager budget I'm able to devise a little pampering routine for when times get rough. Face mask, toning spritz, deep conditioning hair mask and a nice body butter and I'm all set for some serious me-time. Grab a stack of magazines, run a hot bubble bath and you're good to go. There's something to be said for taking the time to care for yourself physically in order for your heart and soul to heal. Even if you're feeling super lazy and reluctant to do anything, I promise a spot of gentle pampering will help lift your spirits. 

'Me and the rest of my heathens'

The Nelly fans among you may recognise this lyric from 'Hot in Herre', the greatest Nelly song of all time. My fiance and I have discovered the perfect way to brush away wedding planning woes, and it involves one of us whispering any number of ridiculous lines from Hot In Herre, our current favourites being 'I was like, good gracious, ass is bodacious' and 'I'm leaving, please believe in, me and the rest of my heathens' before launching into singing. Why this particular song? For some reason it makes us collapse with laughter every time, and before we know it we've launched into a full blown rendition of the whole song, backing vocals and all. Pick a song, preferably one with ridiculous lyrics, and make it your 'happy song'. Don't be afraid to throw in some crazy dancing too!

Mix it up

 A change is as good as a rest, so the saying goes! Today I decided to have a rummage through my jewellery box with the intention of changing up my look, small a change as it is. Wearing a different pair of earrings to my usual pearl studs gave me a little boost, and made me realise I don't have to spend heaps of money on new clothes and what not to feel 'revived'. Mixing it up doesn't just apply to material things, though. Try taking a different route to work, or go for an autumnal walk over the weekend. See new things, bump in to new people and generally switch things up a little. It's amazing what a small change of scenery can do for a stagnant mood. 

Pictures, please 

While I haven't felt like blogging all that much lately I have been finding it easy to snap photos here and there. Instagram is my best friend at the moment! Quick, easy, satisfying and a nice way to take a peek at what friends and bloggers have been up to, I love having a browse and I enjoy finding reasons to snap a picture, even if it is just of my latest favourite lippie or a cheeky selfie. Why not?! You could even set yourself little Instagram challenges, such as recording 'a day in the life' or taking part in the #supergorgeousnov challenge. Having little tasks like this is really keeping me going at the moment and it's nice to stay connected when blogging has seemed like too much to handle. Plus, who doesn't enjoy looking through photographs? Making memories, baby! Here's a selection of my latest snaps!

Yup, there's the obligatory life affirming quote, engagement ring snap and selfie ;)

The history test

Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory got it right in last night's episode when trying to reassure Penny that Leonard was most definitely missing her while away/wasn't going to cheat on her with a randomer: 'In 100 years you'll both be dead and it won't matter anymore'. A little nudge of humour always helps lift the mood! Is what you're worrying about going to matter in a year? In five years? In a decade? In half a century? Is it an episode worthy of a chapter in your future biography, penned and published a hundred years after your death? No? Then try your best to shake it off and coax a smile, as living a life filled with joy is far more fun (and healthier) then one plagued with permanent worry. 

There you have it guys. My rather eclectic range of things I like to do to lift my mood and give me a boost when I'm feeling blue. I'd love to hear your tips and tricks for coaxing a smile, so please do share! Before I end I'd like to say a huge thank you to Mrs. ShuGar over at ShuGar Love blog whose kind words brought me immense comfort and relief yesterday. It's OK to admit that you're going through a tough time and perhaps the best tip I can give for turning that frown upside down is to share how you're feeling and reach out for support. 

Baci e abbracci, 

        

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Anxiety Diaries | This too shall pass

For the past few weeks I've been struggling with writing and posting anything on here. I'd like my blog to be a positive space but lately I haven't been feeling quite so positive and every time I try to write something it either turns into a rant or a pity party, and that's not what I'm aiming for!

I think it's a combination of having absolutely no money (hence no beauty review posts), a packed uni schedule and lots of wedding planning to contend with. I'm job searching but not sure what I'm looking for, which is adding another layer of anxiety and I'm trying to fit in tarot but keep coming up short and finding myself with no time to focus properly on anything. It's so frustrating! I'm a firm believer that we have to take responsibility for our lives and so I'm not aiming for a pity party at all. I just feel so completely flat at the moment though, and blogging has taken the brunt of it. 

Not having any spare money isn't much fun, although of course I'm grateful for having a roof over my head and hot meals everyday. I'd love to have a Superdrug splurge, or at the very least afford to buy myself a new pair of boots (the soles of my current ones have peeled off) or a new coat (there's a huge rip down the sleeve of my H&M coat) and to be honest, whether this is silly or not, I actually feel pretty darn ugly at the moment. Ugly and old. I'm wearing, on rotation, a mixture of summer tops from Primark and an old pair of skinny jeans. I know I shouldn't pin my self worth on material things (!), but I feel really quite horrible and messy at the moment. It's my hen do in a few weeks and I'd like to wear something nice but I don't have any money, so that's stressing me out a little. 

Uni has been a mixture of interesting and alarming so far. While writing my first essay of my final module I got myself into such an anxious state that I didn't sleep properly for four nights and I couldn't really eat much as my stomach was in knots. I hate feeling so tense and I know there are all sorts of things I could have done to calm down but I didn't, and so I felt rotten. Which makes me feel like a hypocrite for writing so many Anxiety Diaries posts only to fall at the first hurdle myself. 

I'm hugely excited about the wedding, of course, but the planning has been stressful at times, which I think is down to it involving so many people in terms of suppliers, chasing up information and getting all the little things ironed out. I'm looking forward to the big day arriving so we can get the show on the road! 

In terms of blogging I'm not really sure where I'm going with it. I loved revamping everything over the summer and it gave me such a great focus but I feel really uninspired at the moment and sort of flat about it all. It's like I'm dripping negativity everywhere and I don't want to be that person! I could kick myself because I know I'm the one who has to get things moving and make things happen; it's all down to me. I'm having a tricky time figuring out what to do, so I guess what I'm trying to say is bear with me! I keep reading articles about blogging and branding and self employment, all saying you need to maintain a consistent presence etc, which is worrying me particularly with regards to tarot, but my head isn't in the right space at the moment and I'm not convinced that spending hours online is going to help. Hmm. 

Anyhoo, things will pick up I'm sure as I refuse to be dragged under again by the anxiety demons. I need to sharpen up my CBT skills and spend some time sorting through my thoughts. We all have rough days, weeks, months where everything seems bleak and rubbish but it won't last forever. 'This too shall pass'. 

Baci e abbracci,