Saturday, 19 October 2013

Anxiety Diaries | Belonging

The Fool from the Robin Wood Tarot Deck

When The Fool popped up in a tarot reading recently he couldn't have appeared at a better time. Lately I've been feeling like I don't quite 'belong' anywhere. I hadn't written on the Bluebird & the Robin in a while so I felt a bit outside of everything going on, blogging wise; I study from home so I'm not attending uni every day and meeting up with classmates often; I'm in the setting up stages of Bluebird Tarot so I haven't launched yet; and I'm unemployed due to anxiety so I don't have a job to talk about with my friends. Damnit, I just wanted to fit in 'properly' with a group!

The Fool goes about his business without worrying whether or not he belongs. Heck, he doesn't even recognise the concept of 'belonging', with his crazy two patterned pants and ribboned backpack! He plays his little instrument as he wanders forwards on his path upon the mountain tops, his little spirit companion at his feet, at one with the world around him. He doesn't sense any danger in walking forwards, even though we can clearly see the cliff edge he's approaching. He knows instinctively that if he carries on he will be caught by the universe. 

The Fool's focus is on his path, moving with hope, wonder and grace, content within himself and happy to welcome the start of a brand new exciting journey. He is willing to take a leap into the unknown. He is unaffected by material worries, relationship heartaches, the lessons and expectations drilled into us as we grow up and grow older. I realised while looking at The Fool that now is a great time for me to draw on his energy of trust in the universe. I've achieved so much internally the past year or so, even if on the outside it doesn't seem that way. I may not have graduated yet, or have a thriving business yet, BUT I am well on my way and if I continue to work hard on my goals there's no reason why this time next year I can't be a graduate and self-employed. 

The only one who can make things happen is YOU. If you're feeling stuck, if you find yourself at an in-between stage, if you feel like you don't quite belong; keep pushing forwards. Force yourself to keep going. You're the only one who can walk the path you desire, the only one who can achieve your goals. Live your dreams every day by dedicating even the smallest amount of time to them. I pick up my tarot cards daily without fail and in this way I know I'm on my way to achieving my goals. I'm achieving them every day, right now as I type, even. 

As for belonging? I asked myself, Fool in hand, what 'belonging' meant to me. Why was I so keen to feel part of a group? What makes a group, anyway? Who says I don't belong? Anxiety had been tricking me, and I wasn't going to stand for it any longer! With The Fool's help I chose the group of life, of humanity, of each person following their own path. Scary yet exciting, I'm dedicated to my very own path. I don't have to do exactly as other people are doing, or worry about 'fitting in'; we're all different. I've left the balloon stealing behind and I'm on my own mission. So are you!

Baci e abbracci, 
         post signature


  1. I feel like I'm in the exact same position as yourself! I'm studying from home and my friends have all just finished uni. I also can't get a job because of anxiety but my friends always talk about jobs and I feel left out! I always say to myself only I can make things happen but yet I still seem to be waiting for something! I have no idea what but something ha.
    We fit into our own group hehe xxx

    -Sarah Speaks

  2. I really like this post as I have felt this way before too xx

  3. Thanks for this post Imogen, it came at a good time for me right off the back of two panic attacks. I'd been doing so well and this felt like a massive set back and with it came the inevitable questions - what will I do? will I ever be able to do all the things my friends find so easy? etc etc but this is a lovey reminder that I'm just following my own path (as we all are) and that whilst obstacles may show themselves the path is always there just waiting to be followed :) Hope your course goes well. Emily xx

  4. This was so interesting to read about!

    Everyone feels like this sometimes, but I'm glad to hear you're feeling back on track! This is definitely a post for me to bookmark so I can read it from time to time and know that even though everything is right at the moment, I just need to keep pushing forward.

    Hmm maybe...


Thanks for taking the time to stop by! I read and reply to every comment and would love to hear what you think x