Tuesday, 31 December 2013

Goodbye 2013!

2013 has been a wonderful mixture of difficult yet amazing. To an outsider 2013 might not look too positive for me, what with leaving two jobs due to anxiety. Yet I do believe everything has unfolded how it was supposed to unfold in order for me to learn some pretty important and profound lessons. I'm waving 2013 a fond farewell and embracing 2014 with the understanding that 'everything you want is on the other side of fear' as said by Jack Canfield, and although 2013 has been a bit of an emotional roller coaster I wouldn't change it. I've learned too much to go back!

The ultimate lesson I've learned this year is to follow my intuition and quit hiding from what my soul is seeking. I thought I'd love moving from working in a school to having an office job as it seemed like a 'grown up' transition, leaving the school I had both attended and worked at for somewhere new. I told myself I'd enjoy a more administrative role, but of course I didn't because deep down I knew I didn't want to be an Information Officer. There's nothing wrong with the role itself, it's just not me! Then I tricked myself into thinking a-ha, if I return to a school environment I'll be happy again! It will feel safe and comfortable and cosy! But that isn't the role for me either, and that decision ended up exacerbating my anxiety rather than abating it. 

This time last year I was signed off from work on long term sick leave after having panic attacks and bouts of anxiety at work and at home. I felt stuck, confused and helpless. And yet in the midst of all those feelings, I also felt a sense of freedom. While some may suffer from anxiety out of the blue, I felt, and now feel very strongly, that anxiety was my body's way of sounding the alarm and alerting me to a truth I had been desperately trying to avoid. I was on the wrong path, and I was clinging on to the the wrong path out of a choice rooted in fear rather than in intuition. A year later and while I haven't re-entered the workplace yet I have a much better idea of who I am and what my soul needs. 

2014 is going to be the year I launch my tarot reading business. It's the year of business cards, tarot reading bookings, tarot events, tarot blog content and a tarot website. I am SO EXCITED to get the ball rolling and follow my dream of running my own guidance and healing business! I'm also planning to train as a Reiki healer, something I wouldn't have considered this time last year. I no longer feel lost. I made a conscious decision in 2013 to switch my thinking from 'I am lost' to 'I am found' and the effect has been astonishing. 

I believe embarking on a course of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy this year has 'saved my life' in terms of giving me the tools I was desperately searching for to live a life of happiness, and to carve out a path for myself that 'fits' with who I am and what I love most. CBT has enabled me to take full responsibility for my actions and choices, and to understand with greater clarity that thoughts are not facts... they're just opinions! The greatest discovery of all is that I can change my thoughts for the better, in doing so empowering myself and enabling positive growth and change. 

While my life might not look too different on the outside yet, I feel transformed on the inside, and I think it's beginning to show. When I talk with my friends about plans for the future I no longer feel so anxious or uncertain, and I think this change comes across in my tone of voice, facial expressions and frequent smiling! I'm happy that CBT has made me realise that I am the only one who can create the path I most desire, it's in my control and if I want something badly enough I can jolly well get out and make it happen! I don't feel as if I need anyone to 'confirm' my plans for me in order for them to happen; I am making a conscious choice. It feels exciting!

My favourite moments from this year include meeting my long lost cousins Pamela and Olivia, thanks to Ancestry and Twitter! It was amazing catching up in person and sharing family stories. I can't wait to see them again in 2014! I also loved attending an eight week tarot course in January 2013, as it strengthened my love for the cards and reaffirmed to me that I want to 'go pro'. It was awesome meeting fellow tarot enthusiasts, and I'd love to sign up for another course in the new year. I've read tarot for so many people this year, both those I know and for strangers, and it has been an absolute honour. I can't imagine my life now without tarot, as it's such an integral tool for me! Whether for meditation, self reflection or for reading for others, tarot has been my constant side-kick this year. 

Planning the wedding has taken up a huge chunk of 2013, and I can't quite believe that it's almost here! In 24 days (that's less than a month! Eek!) I'll be marrying the greatest person on the planet (not that I'm biased or anything) and we'll starting a whole new adventure together. I can't even begin to describe how happy and excited I am, and how much I'm looking forward to spending the rest of my life with the love of my life. The countdown begins as soon as the clock strikes midnight!  

Another  favourite moment from this year has to be my hen do which was just perfect! I had the best time with my friends and I'll never forgot everything Alice did to make it so special. 

2013 also saw the redesign of this here little blog! Before the Bluebird & the Robin my blog was called 'Thoughts on Things' which seemed rather boring! I thoroughly enjoyed renaming and then redesigning everything, Googling my heart out while wading through HTML and CSS, all of which I've completely forgotten now of course! I felt such a huge sense of achievement every time I managed to tweak the blog layout slightly, and when I finally managed to get a new header sorted I felt completely overwhelmed! Haha, I'm really proud of the Bluebird & the Robin as it was a real labour of love, and I'm looking forward  to posting my way through 2014.

With the revamp of the Bluebird & the Robin came my Anxiety Diaries series, which I've loved writing. I've always believed writing to be therapeutic and through typing out my thoughts and discoveries while battling anxiety over the past year I've come to understand so many things that I might have chosen to ignore in the past. I particularly enjoyed writing up a CBT based post exploring anxiety thought cycles, as well as the 'Do not be afraid to blossom' post and a post exploring the transformative power of 'I Am Found' thinking. I've got plenty more Anxiety Diaries scheduled for 2014!

 I've 'met' some wonderful, wonderful fellow bloggers this year. Megan from Southern Charmed in particular has been a fantastic anxiety cheerleader over the past year, always reassuring me when times have felt tough and lifting me up with encouraging and inspiring words. I value our friendship so much and it's all thanks to the world of blogging that we connected! I can't wait to see the unveiling of her revamped Southern Charmed blog at the start of 2014, as I know it's going to look amazing and be jam packed with incredible beauty and lifestyle content. Swing by and say hi, I promise Megan is the friendliest blogger out there! 

While 2013 has been a real struggle at times, the learning I've undergone has made it worthwhile ten times over, and I'll be forever grateful for all of the opportunities I've had this year to cultivate inner change. 2013 has most definitely been a year of inner work, whereas I'm predicting 2014 will be the year of outward change; a year of implementing the lessons I've learned and of using the tools I've gathered to create an exciting outer path for myself. I usually feel very uncomfortable on New Year's Eve as I don't like the 'unknown' that a new year represents. This time, however, I'm happy and excited to leap into 2014 and get to work! 

I've planned a separate 'Hello 2014!' post to follow this one, so I won't ramble on any longer! Wishing you a wonderful new year full of peace, happiness and joy.

Baci e abbracci, 
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1 comment :

  1. You should be so proud of all that you achieved in 2013, heres to a prosperous 2014 x


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